me: your current assistant is on a date.
joco: what? really?!
me: yeah. but you know, a 2nd date. arguably the most important date.
joco: true. i mean, i support that. i always supported you going on dates.
me: …
*uproarious laughter*
And I told him that I couldn’t go because I had to assist a yoga class (which I did—I went to the date sweaty and just out of spandex and everything, I swear—tip number 4, come to think of it, for avoiding date number 3). If you got me fired, I’m moving in with you, Suri Cruise tree and all.
*These tips were just tested tonight and the actual outcome remains to be seen. Stay tuned.
**Images of the Suri ornament are forthcoming, I promise. Again, stay tuned.

Sam: Who would you rather have sex with, Taylor Swift or Lady Gaga?
Lindsay: Do you even have to ask?
Sam: Gaga! I just wanted to hear you say it! Oh Lindsay we are having so much fun today!
Last night I got an email from my love, Andrew, with a link to an article whose headline reads Woman Accused of Setting Fire to Husband’s Penis. In the body of the email, Andrew included this note: ”This is my new favorite court case. So gorgeous!”
It turns out that it pays to know people with a passion for Australian law. Full story here. You’re welcome.
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Please mark your calendars: This Thursday, the incomparable Tyra Banks will teach Cookie Monster how to smize. Ok! Magazine said so, so you know it’s true. 4 pm on the CW. Be there or regret it forever and ever.
In honor of last night’s Project Runway finale, let’s all take a moment to think about guest judge Suzy Menkes’ hair (from here).
Related: I kind of miss Marc Jacobs 1.0.
From here.